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Mediawatch ever so slightly loses the run of itself today as another industry is lost to AI, with supercomputers apparently the latest put out of work as we live through the dystopian horror that is 2026.<\/p>\n
Safer ground sees some chortling at Arsenal \u2018stars\u2019 with a little bit of Acewatch thrown in as well.<\/p>\n
Plus a rare headline treat from the Express.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Mediawatch harks for the simpler times when meaningless guff predictions treated with inexplicable reverence came from \u2018supercomputers\u2019 rather than \u2018AI\u2019.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s something just altogether less dystopian about a supercomputer. It\u2019s a cheerier, quainter term. It calls to Mediawatch\u2019s mind something akin to Bertha (lovely Bertha) spitting out reams of that old printer paper with all holes up the side that say things like \u2018SPURS WILL DO DOWN LOL\u2019 in dot-matrix print while surrounded by serious, bespectacled boffin types scurrying around in crisp white lab coats and carrying clipboards.<\/p>\n
Mediawatch probably does need to unpack its own desire to anthropomorphise supercomputers, but we do enjoy the image that pops into our mind whenever one of these adorable machines says some bollocks or other.<\/p>\n
Much better than the thought that pops into our head when it\u2019s \u2018AI\u2019 making the predictions. Then it goes from a quaint old factory machine and clipboard-wielding boffins to a planet-killing, joy-sapping, jobs-destroying computer program being operated by some coffee-quaffing hustle culture tech bro in California.<\/p>\n
Even though it is basically the same thing. Please go back to saying it\u2019s supercomputers. Even when it\u2019s AI.<\/p>\n
But whatever you call it, what Mediawatch will never, ever be able to understand \u2013 and if you go fully beard-strokey ahout it, this is actually a big part of the reason humanity is doomed \u2013 is why the AI\/supercomputer\u2019s predictions are treated with such reverent seriousness.<\/p>\n
If a random bloke in a pub told you precisely what was going to happen at the World Cup<\/strong> down to the exact minute and detail of Brazil\u2019s extra-time winner against England in the quarter-final, you would quite rightly consider him a mentalist and slowly, carefully \u2013 without upsetting him \u2013 attempt to extricate yourself from the situation.<\/p>\n When a computer does it, we think it must have some value. It\u2019s insane, and it\u2019s going to get us all killed in the end. It\u2019s like there are vast swathes of people out there who haven\u2019t even watched a single Terminator movie.<\/p>\n But before the robots rise up and kill us all, we\u2019ve got maybe one or two football tournament cycles left where the main problem will still be this kind of mad sh*t where stuff that hasn\u2019t happened is reported in hushed and serious tones as if it has.<\/p>\n Look at this weirdness from The Sun<\/strong>.<\/p>\n ENGLAND fall short to Brazil in the quarter-finals at the World Cup according to AI \u2013 but they play in the match of the tournament.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n There are simply not enough PartridgeShrug gifs in the world.<\/p>\n Still, after news of England\u2019s straightforward passage through the group stage, we get to the serious business.<\/p>\n That sets up a last-32 tie against Uzbekistan, who got through as one of the best third-place sides.<\/p>\n Many have placed\u00a0Colombia\u00a0as\u00a0England\u2018s likeliest opponents in the first knockout round but there is an early surprise here, although none of the big-hitters go out.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n There\u2019s not an early surprise. None of this is real. It\u2019s like claiming there was an early surprise in a dream.<\/p>\n In fact, that\u2019s roughly where supercomputer\/AI football predictions should sit in polite company. They are as boring and meaningless and irrelevant as hearing about the dream someone else had last night.<\/p>\n Still, good news about all the big-hitters.<\/p>\n Scotland, however, do not make it through the groups due to goal difference.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Fair enough, this bit is obviously correct but we\u2019re not sure we really needed to destroy a patch of rainforest to work that out.<\/p>\n This is where it starts getting really<\/em> odd, though.<\/p>\n Also at this stage,\u00a0France\u00a0beat\u00a0Germany\u00a02-1 in the first major match-up whilst\u00a0Belgium\u00a0knock out\u00a0USA\u00a0with\u00a0Brazil\u00a0winning against\u00a0Norway\u00a0despite an\u00a0Erling Haaland\u00a0goal.<\/p>\n And Dorival Junior\u2019s team lie in wait for England with the game dubbed the \u2018final before the final\u2019.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Mediawatch has enough issues with real-life dubbings. Who the juddering f*ck is dubbing things in AI? You can\u2019t self-dub your own made-up stuff, surely. What are we doing here?<\/p>\n This next bit should surely have given the writer pause, though.<\/p>\n Played in\u00a0Florida, this is a meeting\u00a0widely slated to happen in real life\u00a0\u2013 and it did not disappoint via AI either.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n You\u2019re so close to getting it. Yes, England v Brazil is widely slated to happen in real life, because it is literally the likeliest quarter-final from that section of the draw. It\u2019s almost \u2013 almost<\/em> \u2013 like we really, really, really<\/em> don\u2019t need AI in order to just plot a halfway-plausible but still very made-up route through a bracket-based tournament.<\/p>\n By this next bit we can actually feel our brain cells dying in our head as we land upon a detailed report of what we cannot overstate is a fictitious football match that hasn\u2019t happened.<\/p>\n England go out 3-2 after extra time but only following the best match of the whole competition.<\/p>\n Harry Kane\u2018s early penalty (of course) is converted before Vinicius Jr equalises with a stunning solo effort, dribbling from the halfway line Diego Maradona-style.<\/p>\n Brazil then take the lead through sub\u00a0Endrick, who scores on the hour mark.<\/p>\n He bagged against England at\u00a0Wembley\u00a0for\u00a0his first international goal in March 2024\u00a0but got the biggest of his career in the World Cup here, AI suggests.<\/p>\n On the verge of being knocked out, who else but\u00a0Jude Bellingham\u00a0puts England level in the 88th minute.<\/p>\n The joy is short lived with Vinicius scoring again, this time a deflected winner before the break in extra time with England unable to respond.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n We\u2019re not the only ones who see how this is insane, right? Please tell us it\u2019s not just us? You all think it\u2019s entirely batsh*t to say that a made-up goal that doesn\u2019t exist is the biggest of Endrick\u2019s career as well, right? Right<\/em>? Please?<\/p>\n A hill Mediawatch will die on is that the biggest goal of Endrick\u2019s career is a real one that actually happened for real in real life, and not one AI has made up.<\/p>\n The best bit is the knowing, chuckling tone present in \u2018(of course)\u2019 and \u2018who else but\u2019. You can\u2019t do \u2018It just had to be him\u2019 material about made-up stuff, surely!? That\u2019s only one tiny step removed from saying \u2018You can\u2019t write a script like this\u2019 about what is, ultimately, a script that has been written.<\/p>\n Mediawatch is aware that we are overthinking this, and that we have given what is throwaway tish and diposable fipsy far too much time and attention already.<\/p>\n But we really do believe this points to a wider societal problem that has some very unsettling potential consequences.<\/p>\n That treating what is no more or less than fantastical fanfic like it has intrinsic value just because it has come from a computer rather than a human is absolutely unhinged behaviour. It\u2019s just another guess, it\u2019s not a stone tablet carved by God himself.<\/p>\n Absolutely any and all of it could just as easily come from the single brain of any vaguely knowledgeable football fan looking at the draw <\/strong>and tournament bracket, but would quite rightly \u2013 and this is the key \u2013 not be considered remotely interesting or newsworthy were that the case.<\/p>\n Still, congratulations to Brazil on their now inevitable sixth world title, we guess.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Sounds unlikely we know, but The Sun<\/strong> have here come up with a headline that oversells the story that follows. We know, it surprised us too.<\/p>\n Former Arsenal star switches international allegiance weeks before World Cup despite playing three games for country<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Who could this \u2018former Arsenal star\u2019 be? Why it\u2019s Marcelo Flores, of course, who you\u2019ll all remember vividly from his But he\u2019s not the only Arsenal star making headlines at The Sun. Look at this one.<\/p>\n \u2018Car crash\u2019 \u2013 Invincibles star sends brutal warning to Mikel Arteta over ruthlessly axing Arsenal ace for FA Cup clash<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n The \u2018Invincibles star\u2019 here is, inevitably, former goalkeeper Graham Stack who made Had a go at Arteta here, though, hasn\u2019t he? A \u2018brutal warning\u2019 over him \u2018ruthlessly axing Arsenal ace\u2019, no less.<\/p>\n Note here how The Sun move from stars to aces with effortless elan, using all their years of experience. The ace in question here is the ultimate \u2013 and indeed perhaps only \u2013 Carabaoman Kepa Arrizabalaga<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Stack\u2019s \u2018brutal warning\u2019 of a \u2018car crash\u2019 involves a worst-case scenario where Arteta does indeed ruthlessly axe Kepa after his Wembley woes but then David Raya gets injured and a crestfallen Kepa has to play some vital games on the run-in with his confidence now shredded.<\/p>\n Come on, Graham. This is all just a bit far-fetched, isn\u2019t it? Mediawatch is really struggling to imagine a scenario where a North London-based Premier League club\u2019s back-up goalkeeper is immediately axed after a high-profile gaffe-strewn nightmare performance in a big cup game only for the No. 1 to then get injured and the confidence-shorn back-up have to be recalled. It just seems far too unlikely.<\/p>\n But still at least Arteta has been duly warned about the grave consequences of his ruthless decision to axe Kepa for the FA Cup game against Southampton.<\/p>\n Oh, wait, what\u2019s that, Graham?<\/p>\n \u2018I think he\u2019ll stick with him. I think he\u2019ll restore some confidence in him.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n So it\u2019s a brutal warning not to do the thing he isn\u2019t going to do anyway? Righto.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Exciting fixtures news from the Daily Express<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Man Utd get rare Premier League rarity as fixture changes and TV picks confirmed<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n A rare rarity? Those are rare.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n We are sorry to report that Mediawatch is going to keep banging on about this every time it comes up<\/strong> in The Mirror<\/strong> or elsewhere between now and the summer.<\/p>\n England superfan Andy Milne has opened up about selling his house to fund a trip to World Cup 2026.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Second house. He\u2019s selling his second house. It fundamentally changes the entire story and every time that vital information is omitted from headlines and intros and instead buried deep down in the unread middle paragraphs, God kills a kitten.<\/p>\n <\/div>\n\n
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Look at the stars<\/h2>\n
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Medium rare<\/h2>\n
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Full house<\/h2>\n
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