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The Premier League title is settled and the relegation battle is heading to the final day. All very exciting, we\u2019re sure.<\/p>\n
But we\u2019re not really interested in any of that. We\u2019ve got philosophical questions about the nature of threeness and unacceptable wordplay.<\/p>\n
This is the important stuff. That, and the latest triumphant return of Ace Watch.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Today\u2019s quasi-philosophical debate: is a \u2018three-word response\u2019 still a \u2018three-word response\u2019 when two of the three words are in fact the same word?<\/p>\n
We\u2019re genuinely not sure, but it\u2019s definitely the most important thing happening in all of football right now.<\/p>\n
To the Daily Star<\/strong> we go, as ultimately all of us one day must:<\/p>\n Pep Guardiola breaks silence on Manchester City future with 3-word response<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n We\u2019re just going to ignore that they\u2019ve put \u20183-word\u2019 instead of \u2018three-word\u2019 lest we get rattled into the shadow realm and grind our teeth to dusty stumps in an impotent rage, and get straight to the important part.<\/p>\n For what was Pep\u2019s silence-breaking three-word (we can\u2019t bring ourselves to write it out wrong again) response?<\/p>\n Asked how much reports on his future had affected preparation for the game, Guardiola told Sky Sports: \u201cZero, absolutely zero.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n We\u2019re genuinely curious here. We\u2019ve lurched one way then the other on this all morning. Help us, please.<\/p>\n Talking of Pep\u2019s silence-breaking, and speaking here as a snarky football media column with a confirmed soft spot for the Currant Bun\u2019s wordplay, we cannot let The Sun get away with this.<\/p>\n PEPXIT: Pep Guardiola breaks silence on Man City exit after draw against Bournemouth<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Pepsi? PEPXIT? PEPXIT<\/strong><\/em>? Absolutely not. Sounds like a haemorrhoid cream. And not a very good one. Pexit, possibly, we might allow if we were feeling in a generous mood. But not this. Never this.<\/p>\n We must concede we did slightly bring this upon ourselves, though. We didn\u2019t think we were actually giving The Sun terrible ideas when amusing ourselves and literally nobody else with the equally execrable Bexit and Palmexit on Monday<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n A very giddy John Cross is busy this morning in the Mirror<\/strong> hailing the start of the Arteta Era of Dominance<\/strong>.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not an idle thought. Arsenal have been the best team in the country this season, there is no reason at all to expect them to step backwards from here, and every realistic rival is either going to begin next season starting a new journey or midway through one in which all faith has seemingly been lost.<\/p>\n It\u2019s absolutely true that Arsenal could become English football\u2019s dominant force for the foreseeable.<\/p>\n That is what makes Arteta\u2019s achievement even greater. Arteta has gone toe-to-toe with his mentor, Guardiola, and finally come out on top.<\/p>\n For all City\u2019s wealth, experience and power, Arsenal have won through to be crowned champions again. Let\u2019s be clear: Arsenal have spent big themselves, they are hardly plucky underdogs, but they have beaten arguably the best team of the Premier League era. We may be witnessing a changing of the guard.<\/p>\n City have won 20 trophies in Guardiola\u2019s 10 years in charge but they cannot stay on top forever. City\u2019s rivalry had been with Liverpool. Now Arsenal have stepped forward ready to be the dominant force in English football.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Absolutely cannot disagree with any of that. Or this bit\u2026<\/p>\n Arsenal have built a formidable squad. Two players for each position. The best squad they have had for years. Pundits were queuing up to say it was the best squad but you only prove that by winning.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n But here\u2019s where it gets interesting.<\/p>\n And now Arsenal have done that in the most wonderful, glorious fashion.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Have they now, John? They\u2019ve won the title in the most wonderful, glorious fashion, have they? A mere 24 hours after they, and we quote:<\/p>\n \u2018\u2026stumbled over the line with a night of nerves which ended with the supposed champions-in-waiting time wasting and running down the clock against already relegated Burnley.\u2019<\/p>\n We all remember Arsenal\u2019s terrible, embarrassing, City-encouraging win over Burnley in which they faced \u2018Normally you would say the three points was all that mattered and Kai Havertz secured those with a first half header. But that was not the case. It was painful, ugly and was far from convincing.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n NARRATOR: It was the case.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n It\u2019s instantly become a firm Mediawatch favourite that you will all tire of far more quickly than we do. It was the Mail last week<\/strong>. Here\u2019s the latest example from the Daily Express<\/strong>:<\/p>\n Roy Keane\u2019s future son-in-law\u2019s behaviour for Southampton comes back to bite after Spygate<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n This is who you are now, Taylor Harwood-Bellis. Might as well change your name by deed poll.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n We are once again sat in something approaching awe at the sheer wizardry of the Reach headline writer\u2019s art. It takes real skill to dress up \u2018Man who has made no Premier League appearances this season might not get Premier League medal\u2019 into\u2026<\/p>\n Arsenal world record-holder may not receive Premier League winners\u2019 medal<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n We\u2019re kicking ourselves for not joining the dots before handing over our click because the \u2018Arsenal world record-holder\u2019 is, of course, Kepa Arrizabalaga and the \u2018Arsenal world record\u2019 he set is obviously the time back in 2018 Chelsea were daft enough to activate his \u00a372m Athletic Bilbao release clause.<\/p>\n And of course he very much still might get a winners\u2019 medal anyway despite being a mere five appearances short of the five-appearance threshold required to guarantee one, because Arsenal have 40 of the things to dish out as they see fit and would, you\u2019d think, place a man whose been on every Premier League subs\u2019 bench this season for them quite high on that list.<\/p>\n Still, nice headline.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n But it\u2019s not just Reach playing silly buggers here. The Sun<\/strong> are, as ever, showing their whole arse with the sort of abandon more normally associated with Piero Hincapie.<\/p>\n Former Chelsea star one of two Arsenal aces NOT guaranteed a Prem winners\u2019 medal<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Now we might, on a good day, have been willing to look the other way at Kepa being described as an \u2018ace\u2019. He\u2019s a world-record holder after all. It\u2019s borderline, but we think we can allow it.<\/p>\n This, though?<\/p>\n The other\u00a0Arsenal\u00a0ace that could miss out on a medal is third-choice goalkeeper Tommy Setford.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Come on, now. He hasn\u2019t even sat on a Premier League bench this season.<\/p>\n Unfortunately we\u2019re also going to have to be quite \u2018Well, actually\u2019 boring and note The Sun have managed to entirely misunderstand the Premier League rule they\u2019ve quoted in their own story while we\u2019re about it.<\/p>\n Premier League rules state that each club will get 40 medals to give out as they see fit, with the proviso that the manager and all players who have made at least five appearances have to be first in the queue. It means, for instance, Ethan Nwaneri will automatically get one for his six appearances before going out on loan to Marseille.<\/p>\n But this on Kepa\u2019s situation is wrong.<\/p>\n And thus despite the Spaniard amassing six appearances in the Carabao Cup, four in the FA Cup and one in the Champions League, he can only get a medal with the \u201cconsent of the board\u201d.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n That rule applies were Arsenal to have more than 39 players (Arteta gets a gong as well, remember) meeting the five-game threshold, leading them to request additional medals from the league. As Arsenal have a mere 24 players meeting that threshold, they have a great many spare medals they can hand out, as The Sun themselves quote from the rulebook, \u2018to such of its Players and Officials as it thinks fit\u2019.<\/p>\n So it\u2019s entirely up to Arsenal themselves, not the Premier League board or anyone else, to decide whether a goalkeeping ace who has sat on the bench for 37 games gets one. Or indeed a goalkeeping ace who has sat on the bench for zero games.<\/p>\n <\/div>\n\n
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Pep talk<\/h2>\n
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Cross wires<\/h2>\n
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Law and order<\/h2>\n
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Record breaker<\/h2>\n
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Ace Watch<\/h2>\n
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